||[Jun. 13th, 2005|04:27 pm]
Dear Michael Jackson, |
Now that you've been acquitted, will you stop sleeping in the same bed with preteen boys? If you can't stop that, will you stop talking the practice up on bizarre documentaries directed by British guys?
Thanks! I'd appreciate it!
Thank you so much for your letter! I truly love and value all my fans and thank them ever so much for their unconditional love and support through this trying time.
Please find, enclosed, a signed photograph of me, fisting a 12-year-old boy with a rhinestone encrusted glove.
I hope that answers all your questions.
P.S. Tori, that's a boy's name, right? I mean, boys can be named Tori... right?
You're Torii Hunter, right? From the Minnesota Twins? You're not my usual type, but I think we can make things work out.
I love the children, Tori. Children and I are so innocent. See, even the jurors understand my innocence. La la la! I'm so innocent that I can just sing, hands clasped, looking up at the sky of innocent light.
Thank you for writing and for praying for me through this difficult time. Having fans like you makes it all worthwhile. :)
I would be so impressed if Jacko knew about Torii Hunter or the Minnesota Twins.
That letter made my day. I'm so suprised you're responding to fan mail so soon after court!
Boys can be named Tori, that's true. But I'm a girl. Can we still be friends?
Trying not to ring Martin Bashir,
My dearest friend Tori,
Of course we can still be friends! I love all children equally (Though my legal team has asked me to send along this disclaimer: Some children are more equal than others).
Normally, I take much longer to answer fan mail, as I have many girls and boys who love me dearly all around the world. However, in preparation for recent events, I have heavily medicated myself and am feeling fine.
Please accept these free tickets to my home and personal amusement park, Neverland Ranch. And please, feel free to bring any younger brothers you have with you! I would so dearly love to introduce them to my one-eyed llama.
If you come to Neverland, we'll watch movies and listen to music and play all day. And if you bring your brothers, I'll give you candy.
Michael (AKA The King of Pop)
P.S. Martin isn't taking calls at the moment. I believe he's lying on a beach somewhere drinking Jesus Juice out of a coconut.