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(no subject) [Apr. 21st, 2005|07:49 pm]
Fame Fatale

"Paris Hilton apparently has one simple rule for being her best friend: Don't cross her."

So what do you think Nicole did to enrage Paris?

Here are the scenarios I'm imagining:

A: After last winter's T-Mobile Sidekick fiasco,I'm sure Paris came crying to Nicole. As a result, Nicole mentioned that it may not have been wise to have her well-known dog's name as a password.

B: Mocked Paris for having a boyfriend with the same name.

C: Told her to grow up or just hang out with Lindsey Lohan during a shopping trip to Kitson.

But probably, the answer is D: I think Nicole committed the cardinal sin of growing up a little bit. I mean, how dare she?
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(no subject) [Apr. 19th, 2005|03:53 pm]
Fame Fatale

Pete Doherty of the Libertines is probably the grossest person ever, probably right up there with Iggy Pop in his prime, except he doesn't have the benefit of a) being in on the joke and b) being remotely musically talented. What I want to know is how he keeps picking up chicks, even after his crack habit has left him looking like a toothless sweaty old man. I mean, Christ - he looks like he just spontaneously generates sexually transmitted diseases every time he touches something. In fact, any immunologists looking to identify the next epidemic of VD would do well to tail him around.

The only thing I can think is that the girls who willingly hook up with him must be hitting the crack pipe, too.
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A combo platter for your perusal. [Apr. 13th, 2005|10:21 am]
Fame Fatale

[Current Mood |amusedamused]
[Current Music |Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani]

Nothing could have made my birthday better than finding out that Britney finally decided to admit that the "false tabloids" were right and that she was pregnant. Four months pregnant, in fact.

Way to spread that seed Kevin! Seriously! I'm impressed! Enjoy your first non-bastard child and remember: because he/she's legit, it's going to be that much harder to walk out on your sunny, funny, bunny Britney when the going gets tough. And it will. Because she is just a scared, silly child trying oh so desperately to hold onto her ill-gotten fame booty before the fame pirates come and steal it from her. There's going to be much shrieking, hollering, and throwing of china before this thing is all over. Wait, do you guys have china? Well, she'll throw, like, a stack of dixie plates at you.


Gwen. Gwen-Gwen-Gwen. What the fuck happened? I just saw Hella Good on Much Music and you were so fucking hot! Muscular, bad-ass, rocking that unfortunate long, blond faux-hawk like the true punk rock girl you were. And then, they played Hollaback Girl. And wow. You look like a skinny ho. A skinny, high school-aged ho. Which you are not. Please: Put some clothes on (not so fast! Make sure they match!) and eat something. And for the love of L.A.M.B., no more white tights!

Basically, I think her problem is: too much. Too much of everything. Pare it down, keep it simple. That's when she's at her sexiest. I am really, really, REALLY hoping this is just a phase. Because I like her.
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(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2005|11:48 am]
Fame Fatale

Sean Penn is officially the biggest dickhead in Hollywood. Considering that Hollywood is also home to Michael Eisner, Harvey Weinstein and a bunch of other egotistical abusive pricks, that's really saying something. And its so disappointing considering that he gave us Spicoli. You'd think a guy like that would possess an iota of humor in his body, but apparently not.

It wasn't bad enough that he went to Iraq and then responded to criticism with some barely coherent statement about has-been actors who are jus' jellus, or that he completely missed the point of the Jude Law joke Chris Rock cracked at the Oscars, a whole litany of other hypocrisies so lovingly categorized by The Superficial.

Now we hear that the grueling schedule of having makeup applied to his face and reciting made up lines of dialogue while entire staffs of people wait on him hand and foot has left him "severely exhausted" and ready to retire for several years.

'He explains, "The first week back, you want to make up for all the time you spent away from the kids - mistake.

"You have to pretend you're still away except you're not, so you just sleep and they come to see you, otherwise you're ill. this one (All The King's Men) has been extremely rough. I'm pretty burnt out and I'm going to have a couple of years off at least now." '

Waaaah! I have to lay in bed all day and can't play with my kids! Waaah! I make millions of dollars to travel and pretend I'm other people. Waaaah!

Sean, on behalf of the American working public - GO FUCK YOURSELF.
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The Desperate Housewives Are Evil Bitches [Apr. 5th, 2005|12:37 am]
Fame Fatale

Drama drama drama on the DH Vanity Fair Shoot.

While there was no record of an assistant being beaten down with a Blackberry, Naomi-Style, this comes pretty close. Poor Teri Hatcher. And Marcia Cross...just...eep.

Full text of the bitchery under the cut...Collapse )
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Bump Watch! [Apr. 1st, 2005|08:23 pm]
Fame Fatale

[Current Mood |confusedconfused]

Sorry to be all US Weekly there, but I couldn't think of anything else to say about this photo of Britney Spears.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


But we have to keep any and all speculation on the downlow, as Brit's having none of that, judging by her latest letter of truth.

Dear False Tabloids,

As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don't know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you'd prefer the latter. I'm really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I'd like them to ask themselves the question, "What am I lying to myself about?" Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you'll remain a false tabloid.


P.S. People Magazine is great in my book!


  • What is a false tabloid? How am I supposed to know if I am one if I don't even know what that is?

  • Did she really use the "Y'all just jealous!!!11!" argument?

  • People, Brit? Fo' real?
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    If only the PJ bottoms where the end of the crazy [Mar. 28th, 2005|11:17 am]
    Fame Fatale


    We can all go home, apparently. Michael has declared himself innocent. And then he knighted himself emporer of Crazytown with a billion dollar jewel-encrusted scepter and envited us all to partake in the last supper with Jesus Juice as a refreshment.

    I can't figure out if he's crazy or crazy like a fox. If he's just faking it all, well, that's almost worse because it's so deceptive and crazier than the crazy.

    In short: He's the victim of conspiracy, but he can't talk about it. They might be watching.

    He is, of course, just one, simple black man. Being persucuted. Like Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali and Jack Johnson. Why we gotta try to keep the bruthas down?

    He alternated between talking about how he's in intense pain/perfect health. He is, after all, pretty fragile. YOU DON'T SAY? I mean, I couldn't tell, what with you running around looking like the corpse of a female Prussian dictator.

    Jesse Jackson (His interviewer. No actual interviewers were available, so Jesse kindly stepped in.) mentioned how thin he is, Michael shared his lifelon battle with...not feeling very hungry.

    "Elizabeth Taylor used to feed me, to hand-feed me, at times," he said.

    That? Is so sick and wrong that I'm now off my feed. Also, how did Elizabeth Taylor ever relinquish a crumb of food to anybody?

    He's also said that this right now, is the lowest point in his life. But Jehovah will see him through. Because he's a Jehovah's Witness. Man, I think having Michael Jackson knock on your door to chat about God would be about the scariest thing in the world.
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    now comes the baby in the baby carriage [Mar. 25th, 2005|08:43 pm]
    Fame Fatale

    The reproductive systems of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline appear to have been working overtime for their collective lack of brainpower. Britney is rumored have to another Fed in the pen, if you know what I mean.

    What do you think the baby's onesies will say? Or do you think they'll have a Juicy sweatsuit redux instead - with the child having to wear a suit emblazoned with some utterly classy phrase?

    But enough prognosticating. Fabricated or not, this quote made me shake in my boots:
    "Kevin knows he's not going to get a moment's peace from now until the baby comes. He says what he really enjoys about her pregnancy is chugging beers and telling Brit 'You can't have one!'"

    There are no words. Does anyone want to start a DivorceWatch pool with me?
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    Cockfight [Mar. 25th, 2005|05:50 pm]
    Fame Fatale

    I'm sure we all remember the scandal that erupted when Chloe Sevigny gave Vincent Gallo a blowjob onscreen in Brown Bunny, because it's an image so horrifying that it's seared into our consciousness forever.

    However! An actor claims that it was his penis, not Gallo's, that appeared in the film.

    I'm very disappointed. I was assured by the producers that I was gonna ride Vincent Gallo's dick all the way to Hollywood but it looks like I've gotten the shaft

    Best. Statement. Ever.

    Vincent Gallo, hater of all things good and clean, rebuts with

    I'm flattered that people are so overwhelmed by the size of my [manhood] that they would think it was artificial or a body double ... [But it is] 100% real ... I can prove it, and I will prove it



    Okay, please don't threaten us like that, we don't want to see it, okay? Just, ew!

    Hopefully this is the last time I will ever have to think about Vincent Gallo's penis.
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    (no subject) [Mar. 25th, 2005|12:54 pm]
    Fame Fatale

    Russell Crowe's Band Breaks Up

    Rock and roll is truly dead.

    From the article:

    "Their 2002 album release suffered the ignominious fate of selling just 156 copies in its first week of release in the UK."

    Ouch. I would consider that to be my signal to put away the guitar and go back to my day job, but not our boy, Russell, who is already looking to put out another one. From Gruntland.com, the official 30 Odd Foot of Grunts site:

    "the album touches on varying subjects, my beautiful wife, past relationships, my son, people I know, family tragedy, immigrant cane cutters, vilification, a choral requiem for a dead friend, my contribution to the genre of drinking songs(the title track, My Hand, My Heart), optimism, and perspective. It is without doubt the most satisfying record I've ever made, and I know when you hear it you will be seduced by its beauty."

    Yes, because nothing says "seductive beauty" like a drinking song written and performed by a man whose drunken antics have left the world rolling their eyes and bored. Thanks, but Colin Farrell already usurped your position as 'token drunken asshole with an accent'.

    The rest of the press release is an exercise in self-absorbed pomposity too pretentious to be missed. I've never seen so many descriptive adjectives, layered on thickly like so much cheap cologne, outside bad teenage fanfic.

    But of course, Sting has taken some time out of his busy schedule of hawking special-edition Jaguars to middle America and having Tantric sex parties in the rain forest while a chorale of howling monkeys and toucans provide the background music to tell Russell he thinks his music is good. Because the genius that brought 'Brand New Day' to the masses is obviously well equipped to tell the rest of us what sucks and what is good. Right.
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