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Fame Fatale

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Take a sad song and make it better [Jul. 25th, 2005|11:07 am]
Fame Fatale

Of course, by now, we all know that Everybody Hates Jude. Except for Sean Penn.

We know that he's OFFICIALLY been in everything. Including the Nanny.

Thanks to defamer and an eagle-eyed fan (or, you know, photoshop, whatever) we also know he has what appears to be a yoooooge cock.

Ahhhh.... now it is all becoming clear to me!

"Hullo! I'm Jude Law! You may remember me from such movies as everything that was released last year. Even that Jim Carrey movie, which we all know was really that Jude Law movie. Anyhoo, let's get down to it, shall we? Wanna fuck? I have a rather large penis and feel it is my duty to service every single female I come across. Be it, drug addled fashion designers, 23-year-old models/actresses/waitresses or my children's hot, hot nanny. So, if you're a young, female professional and you'd like to schtup a movie star of MY calibre, just, you know, wander by me. I'll slam you up against a wall and give it to you right then and there. With my GIANT PENIS! Well then. That's all! Byeee!"
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The Greatest Love Of All! [Jun. 17th, 2005|12:01 pm]
Fame Fatale

Everybody's favorite couple, Tom&Katie, is engaged! Hurrah!

Cruise said, "Yes, I proposed to her... it was early this morning at the Eiffel Tower, so I haven't slept at all."

Their love is so pure and true that it's made him an insomniac! Even Dakota Fanning approves!

"I wish them the happiest marriage that anyone has ever had," said Dakota Fanning, the child actress who co-stars with Cruise in the film. She sat next to Holmes during the news conference.

Well if Dakota says it, gosh darn it, I agree!

On Wednesday the actor dismissed media claims that the relationship was just a publicity stunt.

"I have to laugh. It's just ridiculous," he said at the European premiere of War of the Worlds in Berlin.

HA-HA! Oh, you're right, Tommy, it's so ridiculous and calls for your patented overlaugh...Collapse )

How sad is it that Katie Holmes has been engaged to two men in three months and the two men in question are Chris Klein and Tom Cruise?
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(no subject) [Jun. 13th, 2005|04:27 pm]
Fame Fatale

Dear Michael Jackson,
Now that you've been acquitted, will you stop sleeping in the same bed with preteen boys? If you can't stop that, will you stop talking the practice up on bizarre documentaries directed by British guys?

Thanks! I'd appreciate it!

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(no subject) [Jun. 3rd, 2005|03:07 pm]
Fame Fatale

First Johnny Knoxville, now Bam Margera. Who's next - Steve O? Ryan Dunn?

All I could think about while reading this was Jessica's dear old daddy, the former Reverend Simpson, all decked out with his highlighted hair and diamond earrings to impress his girls with how hip he is, and how he must be so pissed at the fact that his beloved big-tittied daughter is currently spreading her legs for half of young hetero Hollywood while he will never get a chance to hit it.
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2005|10:32 am]
Fame Fatale

My main reason for watching "America's Next Top Model" will no longer be on the show.

I fear Twiggy will the less-medicated Paula Abdul of the group, telling everyone every week that every photo is great and offering no constructive criticism. J.Dick may have been harsh, but she was honest. That's what a lot of ANTM's audience tunes in for.

But I'm not going to watch J. Dick on the next season of the "The Surreal Life." All those C-list celebrities and their egos - oh, the crazy!
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Britney and Kevin on Ellen [May. 17th, 2005|11:28 am]
Fame Fatale

[Current Mood |amazed]

Holy Shit. Quit chewing your gum like it was cud, you cow!

Ellen: Do you read the magazines?
Britney: Naw. I just look at the pitchurs.

Ellen: What's the best part of being married.
Kevin: I just like who I'm with. She's fun, you know?
Ellen: And Britney?
Britney: The same.

Translation: ....bee? Gladiator? I have no opinion? Other than like? What my man says?

Holy Hell. She could not look more stupid if she tried! This is so, so awesome! I mean it. The best! Actually, it looks like she couldn't care less about how she comes off here. Like she exists in this sparkly, pink, bubble, and going on these shows is just her emerging from the bubble all: "Wow. Stuff is like, weird out here. I wanna go back in."
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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2005|05:06 pm]
Fame Fatale

I know I'm not the only one who's seen those pictures of Katie Holmes' rashed out lips circulating around the internet. All I've gots to say is, Damn, Tom, you don't have to eat her face off to prove that you like pussy. Shit, you could fuck her on the table at the Ivy with fifteen thousand flash bulbs popping and we still won't believe you. Of course, we all know that won't happen because Katie Holmes is apparently the oldest virgin in Hollywood. (How convienent!)

Quick! Somebody get this girl some Blistex!
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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2005|10:59 am]
Fame Fatale

Is American Idol just the best EVER this year or what? Seriously! Every 15 minutes, there's a new scandal reported! It's just so awesome! And I am all for it. More scandal, say I! I love that Idol dropped the age limit only to realize that old people have baggage, changes of mind, and, very often, criminal records. </p>

You've got:

The one that got away.

The loopy, crying, totally-not-on-drugs judge who may or may not have slept with the author or maybe it was the back-up plan she slept with, considering her crying jag when he was booted recently.

Then there's the not-at-all-gay-seeming-classical-boy-band-brought-to-you-by-not-at-all-gay-seeming-Judge-Simon-Cowell.

And don't forget the coke fiend.

Woah! Wait a minute, Harold! The only reason you're still here is they can't kick your law-breaking, coke-fiend ass off because the wifebeater who looks like a lock to win the whole thing was already granted immunity cause, hello! They need one fat kid in the finals! It's just that America is supposed to agree with the Judges and vote the fat person out, Goddamnit! Not vote for their own amusement!

So, uh, you in the states? You should totally vote for the worst. Because Scott Savol is truly the Idol America deserves. Oh no, don't even try to argue. We already got ours. A forgettable hipster dude and an exceedingly polite, shy, buffalo rancher.

And, in the end, if you refuse to vote for Scott, don't worry.

Either you'll vote in a coke fiend, a wife beater, Clay Aitken II - The Blondening, a bland, boring Barbie Doll who should really be begging to leave so as not to be in this company, or, OR! I win our office pool.

No matter WHAT you do, we all win! Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha!


I love the Super Nanny, Jo Frost. I LOVE her. Watching these kids on this show, it is unfucking believable. They're out of control and, HOLY HELL, annoying! Everybody needs a super nanny to teach them how to rear and discipline their children. You know, just so they don't hit you in the face and call you a bitch.


Orlando Bloom: So you're good with a bow and arrow and most likely a broad sword. Question: are you, in fact, from another time? Is this the reason you have never been in a modern movie where you aren't weilding weapons? Just curious. Why don't you come over for some wine? We'll discuss it!


Katie, Katie, Katie.

From her IMDB Bio entry:
"I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise."

Just because you dreamed it when you were twelve doesn't mean it should happen in real life, Joey! You thought you and Dawson would end up together and then, WHAM! Pacey!

Anyway, I am pretty sure that's a sign that you're too famous. When your dreams literally start to come true. Wait! What am I saying? Please, Katie! Don't marry him! This is just fucking gross, okay? He's a scientologist! Just stop! Step away from the Cruise! He's a magic man! He's wrong and... WRONG! Do you want to be dating Matthew McConaughey next? Well? DO YOU? Sigh. Don't answer that.

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The hell? [Apr. 27th, 2005|08:14 pm]
Fame Fatale

[Current Mood |confusedconfused]

Move over, Brad and Angelina, there's a new couple making the rounds...a very, very odd couple.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are confirmed to be dating.

What the hell? It's a profoundly unsettling coupling for a number of reasons that I can't put my finger on, and I can hardly snark on it. It's just...ew, why?

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

On the plus side, maybe it makes Chris Klein cry himself to sleep at night.
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(no subject) [Apr. 22nd, 2005|01:40 pm]
Fame Fatale

A possible explanation for the Inevitable Shrinking Gwen?
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